Belonging: Coming Home to Yourself

Yesterday, I held a Women’s Circle where we stepped into a conversation many of us carry in our hearts but rarely voice: the visceral sensation of belonging- or the ache of its absence.

From Atlas of the Heart- Brené Brown

We explored those moments where belonging feels as easy and natural as breathing, and those other moments where it feels light-years away. We looked at the circles of our lives- friendships, family, work, and faith communities, and realized that belonging often has very little to do with the people in the room and everything to do with how at home we feel inside our own skin.

As we shared and journaled, common threads began to emerge. For many of us, the strongest sense of belonging is found with a partner, family member, or a dear friend- spaces where honesty, deep acceptance, and vulnerability are the baseline.

We also got honest about the "blockers." We identified the thieves of true connection:

• Judgment and Gossip: The immediate signals that a space is unsafe.

• Criticism: The friction that makes us want to retreat.

• The Mask: We admitted to the versions of ourselves we perform in order to "fit in."

  
  

Fitting in is the opposite of belonging. Fitting in requires us to assess the room and change our shape; belonging requires us to be exactly who we are and see who stays.

One of the most poignant parts of our circle was acknowledging the "cost" of authenticity. As we become more true to ourselves, we inevitably begin to shed layers that were never ours to begin with.

This part can sometimes feel deeply painful. When we stop wearing the mask, the relationships and experiences that were built on that falsehood may fall away. People may leave. Places may no longer feel like home. This creates a sharp, sometimes lonely clarity, but it is the necessary clearing required to invite our truer, more authentic selves to take up space.

True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world; our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. - Brené Brown (If you haven't read her work on this, I cannot recommend her books highly enough.)

When I asked the circle, "What would belonging feel like if it came from within me instead of outside of me?" , the room shifted. The words that arose weren't about "fitting"; they were about radiance:

FREE

AUTHENTIC

BRIGHT

HONEST

UNAPOLOGETIC

We realized that the most important place we need to feel like we belong is within ourselves. Once that internal anchor is set, the external world becomes a place of choice rather than a place of auditioning.

Feeling Free!

An Invitation: Stories of Belonging

If this reflection stirs something in you, I would love for you to join us for a very special, thoughtful workshop I am co-creating with my great friend, photographer, and documentarian, Jackie Neale (@therealjackiephoto): Witnessing Belonging, A Story Circle.

This workshop is a unique immersion into the power of narrative. We will feature Storytellers reflecting on this very theme in short, intimate interviews, while Silent Witnesses hold space for the conversation. It is an opportunity to witness the shedding of layers and the beauty of coming home to oneself in real-time. Please connect if you are interested in sharing as a Storyteller or joining as a Witness- both are such meaningful places to be.

Are you ready to stop fitting in and start belonging?

I’d love to know: Where in your life do you feel most "at home" right now- is it a physical place, with a specific person, or a quiet practice you hold for yourself? And as usual, if one-to-one coaching might feel supportive, please reach out for a Complimentary 75-minute Clarity Call (I have space for two more this month!).