Love Self-Love Others

The beautiful DJ booth at the Soulshine Retreat in Bali

My mom used to tell my brothers and me, over and over, that we had to love ourselves first. Not in a selfish way. Not in a “me before everyone” way. But in a grounded, oxygen-mask-on-the-airplane kind of way.

Put yours on first, so you can actually help someone else.

At the time, I don’t know that I fully understood it. I think I heard it as encouragement. Maybe even as protection. Now I hear it as wisdom and know to pass it along to my own two teens.

Because the truth is, self-love and self-care aren’t indulgent extras. They’re foundational. We cannot effectively and generously love others if we are not truly loving ourselves. And if we haven’t practiced love inwardly, how do we even recognize what love feels like?

If we are harsh with ourselves, we’ll tolerate harshness.

If we abandon ourselves, we’ll accept being abandoned.

If we pour from an empty cup, we’ll start to resent the people we’re pouring into.

Self-love is not bubble baths and candles, though those can be lovely. It’s the daily, ordinary ways we choose to treat ourselves like someone we actually care about.

It looks like:

Kind thoughts and kind words.

Catching comparison before it spirals out of control.

Refusing to speak to yourself in a tone you would never use with someone you love.

It looks like rest and play.

Keeping balance between the doing and the being.

Letting yourself be a human, not a productivity machine.

It looks like enjoying time alone.

You and yourself make great company.

Get to know each other.

Be curious. Be honest. Be gentle.

It looks like eating well and drinking water.

Your nervous system, your hormones, your moods... they notice. Your body pays attention.

It looks like moving your body. Not to flaunt it. Not to shrink it. But to embody it. To feel the flesh, bones, and blood you are made of. To actually notice living within it.

Self-love is not loud. It’s consistent. It’s steady.

It’s a thousand small decisions that say, “I matter.”

And here’s what lands for me:

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. - Rupi Kaur

We are always modeling. Through our boundaries. Through our tone. Through what we accept and what we decline. Through whether we collapse or stand.

When we love ourselves well, we don’t love others less. We love them better. With less resentment. Less grasping. Less fear. More choice. More clarity. More joy.

So maybe today, before you rush to care for everyone else, pause.

Check your oxygen mask.

And then, from that steady breath, love wildly. 💛

And as usual, here are some invitations to be held in commUNITY:

✨ Coaching Containers- If you’re ready for steady, consistent support, my coaching containers offer structured space to untangle patterns, build clarity, and move forward with intention. We choose the pace and focus together so it aligns with where you are right now. I have space for two more Gifted Clarity Calls this month- a free 75 min coaching session during which we explore together! Don't hesitate to connect today.

✨ Women’s Circle- Sunday, February 22nd If you’re craving connection without pressure, the Women’s Circle is a beautiful place to land. It’s a space to be seen, to listen, to share (if you’d like), and to remember you’re not alone in what you’re carrying.

✨ Upcoming Events- From workshops to seasonal gatherings, there are always opportunities to step into community and reflection. Take a peek at what’s ahead and see what feels aligned.

Warmly,